She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
