Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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