Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
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