we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
