i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
