If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
