can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
