she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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