Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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