i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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