If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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