Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
