I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
