In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
