Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize