I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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