we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
