i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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