xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
