All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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