Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
