I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
