You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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