Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
