You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
