we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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