he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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