PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
