You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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