so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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