I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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