She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can text with my tongue
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
