i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
