lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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