my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
