Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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