you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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