Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize