hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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