Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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