Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
