Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
