I swear she didn't look like that last week.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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