I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
