If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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