He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
