Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
