Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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