Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
