first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
