when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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