: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
