omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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