when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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