first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
