DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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