with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
