He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize