Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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