some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
