to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
