break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
