I haven't been this sober since birth.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
