did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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