I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
