dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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