The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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