Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
