So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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