Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
