so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
