I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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