I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
