Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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