i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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