Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
