Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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