fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
