i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize