your parents love me but you hate me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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