So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
