she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
